What do you say when you have nothing to say? Good question! Now those of you that know me are sitting back, trying to stifle the muffled giggles coming out of your mouth, and saying, "Carla has nothing to say? COME ON!!!" That's true most of the time, but your resident big mouth is actually short of words today. Why? Well. . .
Life is just "going on." The big rush of emotions that came with Ray's cancer diagnosis has since calmed down. We're no longer afraid of the C-word. We talk about cancer this and cancer that. We talk about possible procedures like we're discussing the grocery list. We talk about things like making our wills, making sure plans are set up for the "just in case." No emotion, no trauma, no fear. We just talk. And still the kids go to school, we fix dinner, Ray goes to work, I sit here looking for words. Life just goes on. That same life that seemed so important to grab hold of only a few short weeks ago is. . . well, it's just going on.
Isn't that what life's supposed to do? Yes, it is. That's God's plan. Things get intense and then they go back to whatever passes for normal. We live, love and laugh in the good times, but we grow in the valleys. We don't like them, but we need them. God knew that. He also knew we'd need a breather every now and then, to grab some scripture, rest up and get ready for the next valley. The intense periods will keep coming. I have no doubt of it. Once Ray gives the doc the definite go ahead on May 22nd, I'm sure things will heat up again. The posts will be better then, I promise! Right now, things actually seem a little. . . dare I say it?. . . dull.
So life goes on, dull or not. Hurry up and wait. No choice. Even if we wanted to do something today, we can't. Ray's insides are still too swollen and that makes proceeding with anything right now risky. Both of us would love nothing more than to get this over with tonight. We can't. So we hurry up and wait. Nothing more to do right now, nothing much to say.
So to finish off this "wordy-no words" entry, I would like to once again thank our friends, prayer warriors and readers for hanging in there with us, even when I seemingly have nothing to say.
Stay tuned. You KNOW I will have much more to say in the not too distant future. :)
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Carla, your post had plenty to say and it ministers to us all in whatever situation we currently find ourselves. You have a way of sharing that is truly blessed of God.
ReplyDeleteI see how much this blog has helped others who are going through tough times whether they are health issues or not. But I also see how this blog and particularly this post helps those of us who find ourselves struggling less these days.
I've been in struggle mode. I know what that feels like. I never did think about the down time and how it prepares you or allows you to rest but seems boring. I remember back to my seemingly endless days of struggle and can see when I felt almost odd when things were a bit, dare I say, peaceful. Seemed odd. Seems odd to me now that things are going fairly well for us. Kind of feels like waiting for the other shoe to fall.
I think the odd feeling is Satan's way of making me think comfortable is better than being in God's will. Ever feel that way?
You have so much to say that helps so many even when you don't think you have much to say.
Carla, as usual your “nothing to say” is better than most people’s “something to say”.
ReplyDeleteI have been reading your words since the beginning and I have wanted to try and add words that would make you and Ray feel better but unfortunately, I just get mad. I do not have your faith. I question my faith, and religion in general, every day of my life. I have difficulty understanding why “God” continually puts added stress and strain on good people, your present situation being health issues. You and Ray, people who have strong faith, take care of their families and friends as best they can, don’t ask for much and get even less in return. You are trying to keep a roof over your heads and food on the table and gas in the car, which is getting harder for all of us these days. You don’t abuse our government or "work the system", to get free everything, as so many people do these days, especially in the area we live in.You work so hard for everything. Doesn’t “God” believe in giving good people a break once in a while?
As I said, I constantly question faith and religion. I believe my faith probably falls under Humanism. A Humanist wants to have the best possible foundation for their beliefs and values, and so they demand good evidence for all their convictions, religious or otherwise. Humanism is primarily concerned with ethics, not with debate concerning the existence of God. Humanists share with most of the religions of the world The Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” This is hard enough and this rule doesn’t have anything to do with the existence or non-existence of supernatural beings. I always want binding proof. But, I do know one thing about my faith, and that is I have faith in other people and their faith. Bringing me back to you, Carla and Ray.
I have faith in you to be strong, to support, to help, to pray, and to do whatever you must to get through this together, and I will do anything to help you, do anything you need me to do, because I am your friend, I love you both and I have never-ending faith in you.
On a lighter note, my husband the bodybuilder, with all his muscles, swears he will hold open the pearly gates to make sure I get in.
I appreciated your "dull" post today - because like you, I too have been feeling a little like this and not sure if I like it. We have had so much stress the last 5 months - it does seem a little weird. A little unsettling even - not sure whether to be happy or sad about it - unsure about how to feel. Maybe it is as you say, a resting period - a solace. That sounds so nice. I'm hoping for that :)
ReplyDeleteCarla,
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you are having a time of rest. You need that. And don't ever think you have nothing to say! You always have great things to share.