Ray had "one of those days" today. Nothing earth-shattering. Just. . . well, you know. He called to tell me had a hard shot of overwhelming sadness, to the point where he wanted to ball up somewhere in a corner and cry his heart out. It happens to me frequently. Not used to it happening to him. He's human. Why can't men feel like this? Obviously, they can and they do. It's just not associated with them as much as with women. We're more vocal about it. Our emotions usually hide in a public place. We talked. He wanted to come home but, unfortunately, the money situation wouldn't allow it. When the days get rough, I usually drive in to have lunch with him and break up the day. Today, though, I had to take our 13-year-old to her therapy appointment and the time just didn't work out. He assured me he was over it and would be okay.
On the way to the appointment, we talked. Well, we talked as much as you can talk to a 13-year-old hunger queen shoving a turkey hoagie down her gullet. Every now and then she chased it with a Dr. Pepper. . . and then we talked. We talked about a lot of things, boys mostly, but then the subject of her dad came up. She seems to need constant reassurance. She's only 13. I have trouble dealing with this occasionally, and I'm a heckuva lot older than 13. She's trying to understand. She watches too much TV. The word cancer frightens her. Hey, it frightens me, too, at times.
After the appointment, we decide to race like mad back to Daddy's work, to see if we can catch him on his break. She knows I like to drive fast. She tells me to go for it, that she'll watch out for the cops. :) I went maybe a little over the speed limit in places (lookout. . . my nose is growing!) and we made it with about 30 seconds to spare. We called him and told him to come outside. It was a fun 10 minutes. I think Ray appreciated it. The rest of the day went on, as usual, with Wednesday night Bible Study and Youth Group.
It's almost bed time. Ray just found a piece of paper outside of our door with another one of her poems on it. It reads:
"When I think of it I sometimes get scared,
But you're okay and I'm aware.
Nothing more important than your health to me,
You're gonna be fine, can't you see,
I love you and you love me.
Daddy, you'll be fine and okay.
I hope this poem makes your day."
Copyright @2009 Lilly Ives
Underneath that is a hand-drawn heart with "I Love You" written in it.
Yeah, I guess it was just one of those days.
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It grieves my heart that you have to go through all this. I'm in prayer for you all. This is another lovely Lily poem! That girl is talented. Give Ray a big hug for me.
ReplyDeletethis blog post just touched my heart. -- thankyou.
ReplyDeleteI love this - your writing is so real and authentic - I can get right into your story and feel as if I'm there too. It is so healing to be able to write about your experiences - I know. I'm a writer - and on a journey myself. I understand that much healing comes from self expression through pain - and sometimes this is the vehicle that God provides for us "deep" sensitive souls. Keep writing, Carla - And Lily needs to keep writing too - she has your gift.
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